LOVE IS CONCRETE

I wouldn't call myself a blogger or a writer, even though that seems to be the trendy thing to do. One glance though this and all the writers who can spot the wayward comma and misspelled words will be cringing. I might throw some in just in case, any one gets bored.

I have been thinking a lot lately about "what is the loving thing to do" (anyone that knows me well, just feel asleep, when I said that). What I mean by this is...What is the loving thing to do, when??? Your boss is an asshole. Your best friend is in another relationship where the boyfriend/girlfriend treats them like crap and you are supposed to be happy for them. When you bump into people at the store, your kids school, the coffee shop and these are the people that have hurt you the most or your friends the most. When the person who is supposed to love you, flaws and all, tells you your acne is too bad, you are too fat and points to the flaws you already know about. When nothing you do is good enough; when you can't love yourself and feel like no one else loves you. WHAT IS THE LOVING THING TO DO?

I want to say, "How the hell should I know?" and move on in blissful ignorance, but I DO KNOW what to do. I know the loving thing is not being a punching bag for another (that is not learning to love myself). I know that the LOVING thing is simple and so complex it scares me to death sometimes. I know the loving thing is... treat others how I want to be treated! O.K. don't stop reading just because you can hear your Mother or Father saying those very words to you, when you blew it growing up. Try and pull back from something that has been said WAY too much and not SHOWN by example near enough. Say it to yourself, with the kindest thoughts FOR YOU that you can think. How do I want to be treated?

We say so many things (me included) that we think are loving, these things we wouldn't say to our enemies, but we say them to are friends, partners and children. I would love you if...you were thinner, dressed better, got a job, showered more, were smarter, weren't so shy, weren't so loud, had an education, had no life before me ie. boyfriends or girlfriend, weren't such a sensitive man, weren't such a powerful woman, were more creative blah blah blah. The list goes on and on. You might be thinking, "I would never say anything like that", but you do and I do. In our body language and what we with hold; commitment, friendship, real love, companionship, our time, our lives.
Every situation is different and I don't know what loving thing to do every time, but I can look at the life of Jesus and try and imagine what He would say and what he wouldn't.

When You and Jesus run into someone that has blown it with you, what do you say or do? You do not run away, you engage and say hello (you do not do what is expected and reject). THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO PEOPLE THAT ARE UNSAFE FOR YOU TO BE AROUND NOR AM I SUGGESTING YOU SEEK PEOPLE OUT. When You and Jesus are greeted with yet another man or woman in your life that can't commit,because of your acne, or weight, or height, or strength. Try and (politely) say I'm sorry that that is an issue for you, but I am learning to love myself and am relieved you let me know what were your issues before we married and you spent lifetime trying to change me. Then You and Jesus go home and cry and realize you dodged a bullet and move on having learned.

I am not trying to be Jesus, that has been done. I am trying to be loving and this is not done enough and doesn't look the same twice. I will fail and hopefully learn and get back up and try it again.

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Comment by Mark Pierson on June 27, 2009 at 10:00pm
sometimes the loving thing to do is to move on; sometimes its to stand still; sometimes its to confront. The problem isn't knowing WHAT to do, its knowing WHEN to do it. always the loving thing is to not ignore/glossover/vent/absorb without reflection... Its tricky stuff. mostly i have no idea what to do. i stumble forward. the direction of the movement ie forward is imortant i think...you raise good issues here angie, with and without punctuation!!!
Comment by Olga on June 11, 2009 at 8:41pm
"Then You and Jesus go home and cry and realize you dodged a bullet and move on having learned."

amazing
Comment by Paul Castle on June 10, 2009 at 3:32pm
Yep. It's way too easy to tell people what they want to hear and pretend that it is kind to do so. It's challenge to be truthful and to try and help them understand how that is the best way to deal with things when their desires are conceptions are unrealistic. You have to leave them the freedom to realize and accept it for themselves. I recently had to do this with a friend; I suggested a course of action as a first step, but he did not seem satisfied that I was being helpful enough. His dream is worthwhile but will not happen as quickly and easily as he would like, and regardless of that we will have to start with the first steps anyway. So I am left with him thinking that I am not being supportive while I am actually trying to help him do exactly what needs to be done to get the ball rolling. Hopefully I can encourage him to go ahead and work on those first steps I suggested and he will later be able to see how they get us to the place where he wanted to be. And hopefully, I won't just say "screw it!" :-)
Comment by Abe on June 10, 2009 at 2:17pm
Well, that's truly a tough one. I'm the type of person that always wants people to like me, so it's hard for me to do anything but cower. Having good boundaries is important too and if I don't tell people them then I don't think I doing them or myself any favors.

Nice Tina Turner title.

@

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“There is plenty of courage among us for the abstract but not for the concrete.” - Helen Keller

“Love, like truth and beauty, is concrete. Love is not fundamentally a sweet feeling; not, at heart, a matter of sentiment, attachment, or being "drawn toward." Love is active, effective, a matter of making reciprocal and mutually beneficial relation with one's friends and enemies. Love creates righteousness, or justice, here on earth. To make love is to make justice. As advocates and activists for justice know, loving involves struggle, resistance, risk.” - Carter Heyward

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